November 15, 2012
Journal 16

Outcasts and Names

In chapters eight through ten, Krakauer discusses outcasts that Chris McCandless met on his last adventure.  I feel that Krakauer included these chapters because they give depth to Chris' character.  They provide examples of who he felt comfortable with.  He seemed to be happy among them.  It's possible that Chris himself felt like an outcast in society, and being with outcasts made him feel at home.  They may have made him feel like he belonged.  The outcasts also seemed to like Chris, further hinting that he was more suited to their lifestyle than the lifestyle he left behind.  I think these chapters serve as great contrasts to other chapters that show who Chris was uncomfortable with, e.g., his parents.  It showed that he did not avoid all people, just society.  

Names are important, as they help us identify who we are.  However, the more you think about names, the weirder they become.  Who decided which groups of consonants and vowels would be names and which would be words?  Who picked the meanings for each of the names?  Naming a baby is something that I don't think parents should take lightly.  They are deciding who their baby will be identified as for the rest of his or her life.  How do parents decide on a name for their baby?  Do some pick one with many possible nicknames in case the baby does not like their choice?  Do they purposely pick a common or an uncommon name?  Do they bother to look at the meanings of different names?  Or do they just pick one they both like?  My parents couldn't even decide or spell my name; my Aunt Karen suggested "Madeline".  I don't hate the meaning of my name, I just do not like how it sounds.  None of the nicknames for it interest me ,either.  However, I shortened my name so that teachers would pronounce it right.  People kept calling me "Madelin" instead of "Madeline", so I split the difference and told people to call me "Maddy".  I've had other nicknames, but only my high school friends called me by them.  So far, other than "Maddy", I've heard "Mad", "the Madster",  "Mad Maddy", "Mad Hatter", and "Mad Schilz".  It probably helped to distinguish between the five different Maddys at my high school.  I know that I could change my name if I really wanted to, but I do not want to change my identity so completely.  I only wish that my parents (and aunt) had picked a different name.  

November 13, 2012
Journal 15

Reinvention

I think that reinventing myself would be a little scary, but if I could change myself I probably would.  I am not as comfortable about complete reinvention of self as Chris McCandless was.  I believe that we are how we are for a reason.  However, I do feel that we need to change in order to grow as individuals.  I don't think I would completely reinvent myself, but I would change a few things.  The first thing I would change is my tendency to procrastinate when I start to feel stressed or tired.  I hate this habit of mine and I have tried to break it several times.  I try to motivate myself, but I always hit an obstacle that causes me to procrastinate.  It kills me every time.  The next thing I would change is my fears.  I want so badly to be fearless, but I'm not.  I have (predictably) gotten braver with age, but I am still not satisfied.  Facing my fears has always been difficult, and has yielded little to no success or reward other than full-blown panic attacks.  My fear of heights is a great example.  I have tried time and  time again to get over my fear of heights.  However, every time I face my fear, I panic.  Forget falling, I'm pretty sure I face a very real possibility of a heart attack if I'm more than five feet off the ground.  The only exception to my fear is flying.  I love planes.  This strange contradiction continues to confound me.  I would also make myself love exercise and be indifferent toward food.  I love food too much.  Another thing I would change is my messiness.  I am not comfortable without some clutter.  When I went home for fall break, I found that my mom had cleaned my room to her perfectionist standards.  It felt strange.  My room did not feel loved or lived in until I (more or less) trashed it.  I would also change my need for sleep.  I wish I could stay up late and get up early with no problem.  My generation seems to have fun at night, and while I probably wouldn't be doing the irresponsible things teenagers are notorious for, I can't help but feel that I'm missing out.  I wish I did not have to choose between much-wanted fun and much-needed rest.  

I would also actively pursue more hobbies.  I would love to be a great artist.  I love to draw and paint, and I am creative.  However, nothing I make ever comes out how I want it to and I despise the results.  I get discouraged whenever I pick up a pencil, and I eventually give up.  I would also write more often. I would finish the book I started in tenth grade, even though I would never publish it.  I would also get more exercise.  I would run more often and lift weights.  I would do more things outside.  

I definitely feel that reinvention of self would be freeing.  It would give you the opportunity to live how you want to live and be who you want to be.  I do not think that complete reinvention is a good idea, because it compromises who you are as an individual.  Somethings about ourselves are not meant to be changed, and if we change those things, we lose who we are and we cannot be truly happy.  

November 8, 2012
Journal 14

Chris McCandless

I am not sure how I view Chris McCanless.  I feel that Chris may have been a little foolish and idealistic.  He was also willful and focused on what he wanted to do.  He did not go into the wild with enough supplies, and he did not seem to think things through.  There was no indication that he thought about how he would find shelter and warmth in Alaska, and he had no escape plans.  It was by luck that he found the bus.  I think he should have had a plan B, first aid supplies, and a map.  He caused his family pain, and as a sister myself, I would not want to go through the rest of my life without my brother.  He took a huge risk, and it ended tragically.  However, I have a hard time saying the risk was foolish.  Chris seems like the kind of person who needed to take risks and escape society in order to be happy and truly feel alive.  His ill-fated adventure may have been what he needed to achieve true self-actualization.  He felt it was necessary and worth-while to go to such extremes to live his short life to the fullest.  Not everyone may agree with risking one's life to fulfill one's life, but Chris did.  Chris sought to live a higher form of life that he felt society could not give him.  He tried to be one with nature and experience its beauty.  He gained experiences he would not have had if he had gone with what society and his parents thought he should have done.  He lived out his dream of escaping society.  He may not have done the best thing, but he made a choice and stuck with it.  He saw it through to the end and showed what it means to truly follow a dream.  I can't decide whether I believe Chris was an idiot about his adventure, or if he figured out something I haven't.  I don't feel completely comfortable judging him.  

November 6, 2012
Journal 13

Transcendentalism and Greed

I believe that greed is a real problem in our culture and throughout the world.  It has led to murder, war, hate, some if not all of our environmental problems, and poverty.  Most people know the saying "live simply so that others may simply live", and I wish everyone could live by it.  If we were less greedy, there may be less conflicts over material things.  One of the reasons more sustainable practices and lifestyles are slow to catch on is because of businesses and economic interests.  people don't want to spend the extra money or go without something in order to "be green".  Our materialistic culture can also make us less happy.  We are constantly comparing ourselves and what we have with others and what they have.  The more one has, the more one wants.  It's a vicious cycle.  We focus so much on things that we lose sight of what's important and what really makes us happy.  A great example of this is my childhood.  I had plenty of toys, but not as much as other kids around me.  However, that didn't really bother me.  I was too busy having fun with my brother, my friends, and my imagination.  I was also content with less money.  I felt richer than the Queen of England if I had five dollars in my piggy bank.  I remember that one time I found a 25 dollar hourglass with two dragons on it that I really wanted.  When I saved up the money, I felt like I had so much cash.  But even then, the hourglass wasn't the most precious thing to me.  I gave it to my brother one day just because I loved him and I wanted to give him something special.  My biggest fear is that society could get so greedy that we are unwilling to make sacrifices for the people and things that truly matter.

However, some materialism is not so bad.  We do need some things, such as food, cloths, shelter, and stability.  These materials are good and necessary for basic survival and happiness.  Materialism is only bad when it is taken too far.  I believe that by living simpler and by living for each other we can combat our greedy nature.  

November 1, 2012
Journal 12.

From August to Now

I don't feel that I have changed much as a person since I came to Juniata.  I don't think I have had enough time to change.  I am still not sure about my POE.  I'm getting a little nervous about filling all of my core requirements to graduate.  I know that this is more or less ridiculous, since I'm only a freshman, but I'm still worried.  I participate in Eagle Ambassadors and JAB.  I definitely signed up for too many clubs at Lobsterfest.  There has been some drama among my new friends.  It's been stressful because I'm not use to drama anymore.  There was drama in Elementary and Middle school, but I avoided drama in high school, so this was a bit of a culture shock of sorts.  It's been hard to eat healthy since I got here, but I've been trying to keep my calories down.  I wish fruit alone was part of the meal exchange program at Muddies.  Campus life hasn't been too bad so far.  I miss home a little but I'm not really homesick.  I still love my roommate.  She has been stressed out with school like me but she seems to be doing fine.  I think she got more stressed out with the drama than I did because she was more involved than I was.  My bed is mostly comfortable, but there is an annoying rod that runs down the middle of the bed  where my spine usually is.  It's not so bad as long as I sleep on my side.  The fire alarms are a little annoying.  I'm glad we don't have them often.  I wish we hadn't had one in the middle of the hurricane, though.  The fire drills here are a lot more relaxed than the ones we had at my high school.  All things considered, campus life is going well.  

I was really happy to go home, though.  Fall break was great, if a little short.  It was nice to see my family, eat (or more like devour) my dad's cooking, watch The Colbert Report with my brother, sleep in my own bed, shower without flip-flops, have my own room, and go to bed when I wanted to.  Fall break came not a moment too soon.  I had so much to talk about with my family.  It was nice to have one day where I didn't do anything but eat, watch T.V, and read.  

I really don't think I've changed much, but if I had to say one way I may have changed is that now I feel a little more removed from my family and that I appreciate the time I get to spend with them.